love did no more begin than love will end:
where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim
love is the air the ocean and the land
(do lovers suffer?all divinities
proudly descending put on deathful flesh:
are lovers glad?only their smallest joy's
a universe emerging from a wish)
love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:
the truth more first than sun more last than star
— do lovers love?why then to heaven with hell.
Whatever sages say and fools,all's well
e. e. cummings
I have made multiple stabs at writing a semi-coherent and vaguely interesting entry the past two months, but each attempt has ended with a "hmmm..." and "nah". Reflecting on my boring life has always ended with me pressing on the delete key, obliterating everything I had written over the past hour, as if I would upset this rare and delicate balance by serious contemplation. After which I would stare idly at the blank page of my laptop and wonder what the hell actually goes through that thick skull of mine (little else but food, apparently).
But I’m here now, so here goes.
Life is good, in an unsettling way. I recall how ZY chides me gently over the phone about getting over my neuroses, and just appreciating what I have. But it still feels as if my center of gravity is off, that I am in a perpetual crouch position before a race that never starts, and having thoughts that I should have already understood since long before. See, there I go again. I am graduating soon though (next year, but still) and there's that voice in my head that perpetually screams for everything to slow down! AAHHHHHH SLOW DOWN!! But things never do. The days fly by very fast, and it seems that I get by more on luck than good sense, but the time that slips by string together a life that I can never quite fully believe is mine.
Also, I've read Love in the Time of Cholera yet again. Ironically, finishing a Marquez or Rushdie book always sobers me up to reality. They may be fiction, but sometimes it feels like these books are more relevant and enlightening to me than any textbook (which probably also says how far detached from reality I am).
By the way, meet Eggtart. Life has been significantly brighter and more restful these days because of it.
Have a good week! :)
