Yikes.

This is a photo of one of Obama's speeches that he personally made a few notes on. That man scares me sometimes (in a gratifying, non-teabag way). I think if one of my essays came back marked like that I would scream.

my sister's paintings

Aren't they adorable?

A Golden Day

I Found you and I lost you,
All on a gleaming day.
The day was filled with sunshine,
And the land was full of May.

A golden bird was singing
Its melody divine,
I found you and I loved you,
And all the world was mine.

I found you and I lost you,
All on a golden day,
But when I dream of you, dear,
It is always brimming May.

- Paul Laurence Dunbar


I have a soft spot for simple, sincere poems. And I think this poem is somewhat more beautiful when you don't make it to be about relationships.

Two quarters and a heart down, these words are all I have

Why, hello.

I'm sorry for leaving my blog on such a sombre note, but I've been... procrastinating. It also took awhile for me to get out of my mopey state, but I think I'm back to normal now. For awhile those emails and phone calls were all I hung on to. But I'm glad that whatever it was that I'd lost has come back.

Incidentally, I had skipped one of the Creative Writing classes last week (because that day I really wasn't in the mood to be criticized and corrected) And the lecturer was actually nice enough to write down comments from everyone about my story. She had written that my writing was "excellent" (haha whaaaat) and everyone has generally been so pleasant about it that I'm actually looking forward to those seminars now. How strange. Also, I've just decided to go to Sydney and Hobart with a few friends over the break, so that's nice to look forward to. How have you been?

It was a friend's birthday last week, and she had her birthday on a cruise! How extravagant. She booked a boat, and the lot of us got to sail about the lake. It was lovely.




I think (I think!) that's the national gallery, where fenner had the commencement dinner.






Telstra tower.


The captain! His cap says "Venezia", so I think maybe he wants to sail there one day. In any case, he's adorable.


The Birthday girl!




It was a good day.

Also, there were fireworks over the weekend.















That's about it, really. Have a good week!

the waves wave the waves wave, this is how my heart behaves

Sometimes I think about the person I once was, the silly girl in Secondary school, coasting through the days, living life without passion or intensity, and how much easier it all was. I'm twenty-one now, and the surface of my thoughts always seem to linger on how much more of something I want, and how inadequate I actually am. My armour is stronger now, and I keep people out easily, yet the disappointments and resentments that follow me have gradually become more bitter as time passes. The hollow rhythms of going through the daily routines resound more loudly than before, and the rituals of small talk freezes the heart more acutely than I thought possible. "Cheer up, don't be depressed," they say, "that's life." But what do they know, of the fears I face every day, of the sinking battle it is with myself every morning to leave my room, or how I feel myself further and further away from the people I love.

But I do know, that all this will pass. I am strong, and this is nothing I can't handle. The fire trucks are coming up around the bend.

I know I will probably regret this tomorrow morning, but I just had such a horrible day, words cannot describe how bad. I hate saying no to people who need my help, I hate having to pretend to people like everything's okay, I hate I hate that I still feel so damn alone in this damn place. I want to go home, I want to give my sister a hug, I want to see my friends and tell them how much I miss them. I can't do it. I can't. I sit here in this room in this cold ugly fluorescent light and terrible thoughts stray into my mind, how cowardly I'm being, how I need to leave NOW and never look back.

I just wish, for this once, there would be someone who understands. Please.

whose reality i knew, was hopeless to be had

Just came here to post some pictures of the recent fenner dinner. Like an idiot, I naturally forgot to charge my camera, so these were the only photos I took before it died (which was even before the main course was served).


in the lift on the way down. I'm so bad at this, sally got cut off :( and notice the height difference!


this is sally, btw. she's an alien, like me!


me and the lovely shan. incidentally, her excited comment on the food was "hahaha oh my god, try this! it's so terrible!!"




I look quite frightful in this pic, but I like it anyway. they make life here so much easier (and entertaining too). also, i don't suppose you can really tell, but if you look closely and imagine hard, you can almost see the black eye which I got from walking into someone holding a stack of books.

It's how it's always been. I'll survive.