Heart, we will try.

It's funny. How different she felt from a month ago. She left home, bright-eyed and eager, only to reach a stage now where she wonders if it's possible for her maturity to regress. It's strange, she thought, how she had always defined herself by the things and people around her, and still lacked any clear idea of herself. But here, she gives herself unnecessary leeway, and allows herself to swept up for the sake of it. She misses her silly friends, and her silly family, which sometimes provokes her into being someone she is not. Childish and shallow. But maybe that's who she really is under it all.

A little confused, over here.

So, hypothetically. There’s a Beng (let’s call him B), living two doors down from this girl. And she’s been hanging out with him ALOT. He makes her laugh, like insanely. Not in the way she’s used to, but still in a nice, slapstick way. Which she misses, since all her friends are in a faraway land, and seem to be leading their own lives. B seemed sincere when he said he liked her. And she likes him too, although she’s unsure if it's just for comfort or companionship. The girl has always been a moody girl. Neurotic and a little judgmental. Which sometimes makes it hard for her to talk to other people. But with B, this problem doesn’t exist. She opens up easily, and she loves the fact that there are no awkward silences when they hang out (although she had sometimes imagined herself with someone who could debate politics and music with her.) But no matter. He’s a nice guy. She even tried to reject him once, but after seeing his reaction, she started to tear a little, which she had been so sure she had forgotten how to do. Things are ambiguous now, and she is inclined to give it a shot. Part of her feels it’ll be a mistake, and that part seems to grow a little each time he is unnecessarily nice to her. But she feels safe when he hugs her, and glad when he makes a funny face when he walks past her window. Maybe that’s all a relationship should be about. Hugs and funny faces.

Back in the real world, I went to Skyfire. Which is a thirty minute showcase of fireworks at the lake, and it was alot of fun. Have you ever watched Land of the Dead? It's like that, when the zombies all stop eating humans for a few short minutes and gaze hypnotically at the lights, with drool flowing out of their mouths. That night, I had a dream that I was taking a Shower, and I put shampoo on my hair before my hair was wet. No doubt there's a zombie drooling on top of my head at night.

I'll be honest here, I don't know when the next post is going to be. Because I'm going to the beach this Easter and I am determined to squish my toes in the sand. Aiyy. That's what getting caught up does to you.