There was this time in Kindergarten when I peed my pants, did I mention? Some kid named Marcus bit the teacher, and I laughed till I lost bladder control. The kid was complaining about being hungry or something, and the teacher was trying very hard to pacify him till break time, while the rest of us were doing totally-for-sure quiet, good-kid stuff. Then I think he finally couldn't take it and took a bite out of the teacher's arm.
And I laughed. Like a HAHAHAHAH stop-I-can't-breathe sort of laugh.
And I pee my pants.
And I don't mean a few, polite drops of liquid. It was literally, the worst-case scenario of awe-inspiring incontinence. It was soaking my underwear, and I could feel it drip down my leg onto the tiled flooring. And it was Loud.
So I did what any intelligent, rational kid would do in my case. I laughed even louder and more awkwardly to hide out the suspicious, dripping noises. I was panicky and fearful about what was going to happen, but fortunately (or unfortunately), noone actually noticed till about 10 minutes later. So yes, for 10 minutes, I was sitting there colouring normally, stewing in my own breathtaking dumbness.
That is somewhat how I'm feeling today. Usually I feel indignant, weak, lost, lonely, humiliated, angry, confused, spent. But for a very short while now I feel like maybe this time I can finally stop moping and indulging in my own misery and self-focused brooding. And really, all I had to do was share my most humiliating story with the entire internet.
