Why do we keep shrieking, when we mean soft things? We should be whispering all the time.

I’ve always been quite dreadful in conflicts. My natural instinct is always to run and hide, even if it would make the situation worse. When I was young, whenever my parents fought (especially if it concerned me), I would camp out under the study table in my room and use my blanket to make a tent. Sometimes I would bring a torchlight in to read, or a radio to listen to (I would switch it on really loud until nothing else could be heard. I think that’s why I’m slightly deaf.) This has always been a weakness of mine, that I would irrationally avoid any form of argument and conflict, even to the extent of moving out. Or how a straightforward, reasoned debate on immigration in Singapore would make me consider jumping into the nearby drain. But I know I’m not that kid anymore, and I can’t keep finding study tables in my life to hide under.

Class is starting in two weeks, and I’m fairly excited for my courses this semester. I’m taking Creative Writing, Developmental Psych, Social Psych and Australian Foreign Policy. The one I’m most wary about though, is Creative Writing. Not because I hate writing, but we have to do “oral critiques” of each other’s work. I hate the idea of passing judgment on someone else’s work for participation marks, and I can almost see myself taking it way too personally. But I’m telling myself it’ll be a good practice, for life outside the bubble.

It’s almost Chinese New Year too, and I’m steeling myself for the onslaught of visiting relatives. I was just mentioning to a friend, that in almost every major life choice I make, they (my relatives) are always standing at the back of head whispering. I wish it wasn’t so, but it does matter a lot to me what they think, especially when I know they judge my family based on my irresponsible choices. When I decided to take another major in English, in my head I was already trying to justify this choice to them during CNY. I don’t know why the opinions of people we see only once a year matter so much, but they do.

Random find of the day: I love these photographs by Kevin Van Aelst. It makes you feel like it’s actually not that hard to see art in everyday things.


Driving At Night.


One Heartbeat.

In the meantime though, have a good week!