I don't really have anything to say except that right now, I'm sad.
Living with Jas and Don is the usual fun, but lately I've been considering moving back into a hall. I miss hanging out with certain friends, waking up just 15mins before class and even small talk with acquaintances. Which is why, on impulse, I applied to a few halls. And unilodge responded with an offer for a studio. I doubt I would take it, but now more than ever I must admit, it is very, very tempting.
My heart hasn't recovered from my trip to Indo either. I miss it and the friends I made quite terribly. We were riding bikes everywhere every day (including me, I was riding. a. bike!), smoking, uncovering an actual political fraud, hanging out with people in the kampung, sightseeing and eating. Oh, the food! Fried chicken in the morning is quite welcome. My 21st birthday was thus spent with new friends in a foreign place, but it was significant, and one of the happiest days of my life. And because of all this, I've been quite distracted lately. It might be too presumptuous to think that something inside me changed, but I know I won't be at ease till I return one day soon. In the meantime though, my future does seem a little clearer to me. I've always wondered if I was cut out for living in the developing world, sheltered as I am, but even with all the lack of luxuries and amenities there, I was honestly happy.
My dear grandaunt died on July 10th, after a long struggle. She's the first person I've loved to actually pass away, but I've accepted it. For a while, I was in a bad shape. Just not knowing how to survive in a world without her. But it's easier now I suppose because I'm not actually home. My parents keep telling me not to be sad, to celebrate her life etc but I can't do that. Time will pass, and I know there will come a time when I miss her less, but right now, I'm lost.
A dear ms lin was also supposed to come visit me as well a few days back, and I was looking forward to it with a vengeance. So when the time came, and she got into an cycling accident, I was horrified and worried, then disappointed and sad. She'll be alright, in case you're wondering. But Canberra suddenly seems alot lonelier.
Because of my three english courses this semester, I have about 20 or so novels to read. Anna Karenina is one of prescribed texts, but even she isn't helping lately. Sometimes I understand her and sometimes I don't. But for the most part, I realized Tolstoy is a very generous writer. Minor characters get stories, and it is in the details where they start to seem like real people. It's the same with Anna, and I do think that somewhere along the way writing, he fell in love with her. It's one of my favourite books to read, just somehow depressing now at a time when I'm already quite sad.
But life is short, and I know there are/will be plenty of things to look forward to. Like meeting the Indo lot for dinner tomorrow. Yea, things will get better soon.
