So I have made a rough draft of my New Year’s Resolutions in my head. And I have finally taken it upon myself to learn to drive properly. The last time I tried driving was on the CTE, and I started to hyperventilate. The magnitude of my panic was so great that it caused all the cars to lift into the air. So we were all in the air with no control over the direction or speed of our vehicles and we hurtled skyward and began smashing into each other repeatedly. As we left the Earth’s atmosphere, I heard the faint screams of “Why, Rachel, Why! Why couldn’t you have taken the bus?!” The Straits Times interviewed my parents, and declared a grueling condemnation on the worst daughter the world has ever known. In the meantime, the hole in the atmosphere expanded uncontrollably and threw the world into chaos. God gave up on us and decided to create a better universe, one without bad drivers. He offered me one last chance to apologize and make things right, but before I could say anything, my teeth turned to liquid and dripped to the back of my throat because I had forgotten to floss the night before. We were all destroyed. All because I could not drive properly.
I tricked you! What! That didn’t actually happen! Yuletide Fools’!! (That’s right, Jesus loved a good prank.) I can’t actually drive yet, but hopefully I would have time to take the test in Aussie where it’s cheaper and more lenient. I've been thinking about it for sometime now and I guess I miss it there. Quite a bit. Do you ever wonder if you'll just be an average person who will never have a chance to witness something extraordinary.
Now I’m off to wrap the two billion presents while getting drunk on Bailey’s. I predict my gifts will get more sloppy as the night wears on. Finally, I would just tape my sister to a box and lurch up to bed.
P.S. Merry Christmas, guys. It's been a long year.
